Sunday, November 18, 2012

Sundays



There’s something about Sundays that always evokes some pretty compelling questions about what I’m doing with my life. Like clockwork, I trudge my way through the first six days of the week, my mind boggled from all the chaos and insanity of the world around me. By the time Sunday rolls around, there’s nothing left to do but surrender to the forces pushing against me and expose aspects of my deeper self through self reflection.

This morning I woke before the sun and set off to watch my boyfriend compete in the Philadelphia Half Marathon. I love watching him compete and am so impressed by his strength, dedication, and determination. But as I sat near the famous steps of the art museum, suddenly, in a sea of 30,000 people, I felt so alone. There I was surrounded by thousands of individuals all sharing one love for the same passion and it got me thinking about where my own passions lie. Sadly, I couldn’t come up with anything that I’ve been passionate enough about to pursue my whole life. There are plenty of things that I’ve dabbled in over the years, (i.e. piano lessons, guitar lessons, dance lessons, singing, etc.) but nothing that I truly excel at and enjoy enough to want to pursue long term. Coming to terms with this realization was heartbreaking for me. I'm a Jack of All Trades, without mastering any of them. 

Like always, one simple thought quickly escalated into a full blown critique of my life. Soon I found myself making a list of reasons why I wasn’t good enough for my boyfriend, why I would never achieve my dreams, and listing countless things I need to change about myself. But then I stumbled across a quote from Mother Teresa that put things into perspective for me.

“In this life we cannot always do great things, but we can do small things with great love.” 

At that moment I came to a new realization. It doesn’t matter if I’m working towards running a marathon or pursuing a passion to become the best at something. What matters is that I put so much love into everything I do, no matter how small or insignificant the task. In the end, it’s love that will lead me to becoming my best self.




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